How Shame Gave Birth to Blame (and How to Let Them Both Go)

Shame gave birth to blame a long time ago. We find it in the book of Genesis a few pages past, “In the beginning” and “Let there be light.” (Genesis 1:1-3). Satan tempts Eve by getting her to ‘doubt God’s goodness’ (Genesis 3:1-6). Then Eve shares the perilous fruit with Adam and “their eyes were…

Have You Given Yourself Permission to Love?

I frequently ask God to help me love people better, including myself. I desired the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13:5. One that’s not “self-seeking,” or “easily angered.” One that doesn’t ‘keep score.’ I learned it wasn’t possible until I gave myself permission: Permission to care about my feelings, to choose my relationships,…

Identify the Blocker Keeping You from Getting what You want

If you keep struggling with the same goal year after year, try to identify what your blocker is. It could be fear of success. It could be fear of failure. It’s possible to have both simultaneously. Maybe you’ve been codependent and haven’t followed your heart because you’re acting on everyone else’s advice. Or you’ve been trying…

Should You Trust Your Gut?

Trust your Gut. You may think it’s an overused cliché that doesn’t really line up with scripture. Yet how many times has your ‘gut’ indicated something was wrong and you ignored it? If you reflect on all those situations I bet you’d discover 90 percent of the time something really was wrong and you ignored it…

Who Is The Real Victim Of Un-Forgiveness?

  Ephesians 4:32 tells us to forgive one another as Christ forgave us. When we don’t it can harm us more than our transgressors because bitterness and resentment are damaging to our mind, body and spirit. When we don’t forgive, we remain a victim of the offense, giving the offender tremendous power over us. Knowing…

Lost In The Shuffle

In his book Lost in the Shuffle Robert Subby describes one of the ‘rules’ of the co-dependent family: It’s not ok to talk about or express feelings openly When we live by this rule we come to believe that our feeling are bad or wrong. As a result we shut them down and become ‘cut…

Why ‘Kindness’ Can Backfire

“What Are Your Spiritual Gifts?” Every time I filled out one of those evaluations I scored highest on the ‘gift’ of mercy. For me, this ‘gift’ felt more like a curse. I would do someone a favor and it would become an expectation. I would come up with a brilliant idea and someone else would…

Choices

Several years ago I came home in tears, feeling hopeless and defeated after getting another traffic ticket following a road rage incident. “I don’t know what to do” I said to my husband “I give up!” “What lane were you in?” He asked. “The Fast Lane,” I said. “Why don’t you just move over,” He…

We All Want To Be Known

I’m a little girl around 8 or 9 years old. I’m sitting in the family room listening to some of my favorite songs. My father is in the bathroom getting ready to drive me to school. I sneak over to the volume control several times, increasing it a little more each time. I hope that…

Poor Boundaries and Anger

Boundaries God laid the word on my heart years ago. Almost a decade had passed since I kicked a hole in a door, or threw a jar of spaghetti against the wall (yes I actually did this once) but I still couldn’t seem to overcome my anger in certain areas of my life. The problem…