Broken Angel

Today I’m eleven years sober from drugs and alcohol. My family’s been torn apart by an addiction that killed my only brother 13 months ago.  I have a great life with Christ at the center; and my brother Casey is dead.

I always ask: Why me? Why am I alive? Why is he dead? What did I do to deserve to live? Why couldn’t he make it? You see, it was his suffering that ultimately led me to the Lord. God used his faith to bring about mine in 2001 in a small recovery home in Portland, OR. There I was singing praise songs with 15 other alcoholic drug addicted men; I was hung over and weeping in a room full of losers when I began to believe in the hope of God.

My brother invited me to ‘church’ that morning to celebrate one of his many attempts at sobriety. And so my journey of faith and sobriety began. Meanwhile, he continued to spiral downwards into intoxicating oblivion and ultimately death 15 years later.

Perhaps he was like a tormented broken angel whose struggles in this life were meant to bring the rest of his family closer to God. I don’t know and I don’t have an answer. I just know today I’m a grateful sober alcoholic with a broken heart.

What I know for sure is: “This is the day the LORD has made,” and I “will rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24).

I don’t know what tomorrow holds.

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