Another faulty belief at the core of addiction and self-destructive behavior is: “No one will ever be able to meet my needs; therefore, I must meet my own needs.”
(Dr. Patrick Carnes, Out of the Shadows)
I used to tell myself things like: “I don’t need anyone,” and “If I’m ever going to get anywhere in life I have to do it myself.”
My definition of strength was really a form of pride that stemmed from deep hurt and feelings of unworthiness.
Asking people for help felt nearly impossible to me. I told myself it was because I was so capable. But the truth is I subconsciously believed the lie that I wasn’t worthy enough to receive anyone’s support. This falsehood had a face and it was fear. Afraid to ask for my needs, I would try and manage alone. This was the perfect recipe for isolation and frustration which drove me to self-medicate.
By the time my addiction had taken over the pattern of self-reliance was ingrained in me like the alphabet.
“The Addicts Story” by The Good News Editor describes this dynamic perfectly:
“Inside most addicts is an enormous preoccupation with self. It becomes a form of idolatry because the belief that “no one can truly meet my needs” inevitably influences the addict’s perception of God.
The self-reliance and preoccupation feed the cycle of addiction to the point that, even in the face of adverse consequences, the addict will not stop his behavior. The belief that help is not found outside himself is strong. It prevents him from seeking the help he truly needs, so he remains trapped by his beliefs.”
The real truth is that God wants to meet your needs and He wants to use others to help Him (and you) do it. The real truth is you were not meant to meet your needs alone and trying to do so will only escalate your problems and make you bitter and intolerant.
When you allow yourself to need other people God will begin to do miraculous things.
“For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20).