In her book “Forgiveness” June Hunt describes what we can do when we don’t want to forgive someone:
“Whenever you don’t feel like doing something you should do, examine your thoughts. While you can’t control what your offenders do, you can control your thinking about your offenders…….when you carefully choose what you will dwell on, your emotions will begin to line up, and you will gradually even feel like forgiving.”
Intellectually, I know thoughts are what lead to sin; and long lasting transformation comes from the renewing of the mind as it talks about in Romans 12:2.
I’ve been sober for over 13 years. Maintaining that sobriety is about aligning my thoughts with the behavioral outcome I want to achieve.
However, when it came to forgiveness there was a big disconnect. I knew it was a conscious choice to forgive and I would remind God time and time again that I had chosen to forgive… And yet I continued to relive their misdeed against me over and over in my mind while repeatedly asking God the question: “how do I know if I’ve forgiven someone?”
It never occurred to me that perhaps forgiveness had more to do with the mind than the heart (at least initially).
The things we are to meditate on are clearly written in Philippians 4:8: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable –if anything is excellent or praiseworthy –think about such things.”
Applying the above scripture to our enemies and transgressors is a challenge. However, if our thoughts are instrumental in determining our destiny; how we choose to think about our offenders could play a major role in our emotional health and overall life satisfaction.